The Found Manuscripts of George Washington Carver

In the Sunday edition of Illustrious News, we are reporting on the Found Manuscripts of George Washington Carver, thought to be lost, but actually ending up being found, these manuscripts outline many of the trials and tribulations of Carver, famous for getting everything right when it came to the peanut, not so famous for all the terrible things he attempted with the kumquat.

Carver's Manuscripts were so very interesting, detailed, thoughtful, and illustrious, that we decided not to paraphrase but to grace you with this excerpt. 

"Tuesday 8am: A haiku about peanuts: 

  My little brown bud,

  Manna from heaven or not,

  I will eat you now."

  

 

 

Mysterious Case of the Invisible Dog Face Slap

(Photo: "It sounded like a freight train going right over my head." )

First a dispute over invisible lines and now this, the invisible dog face slap, the Illustrious News is content to report that invisibility is the new visibility. Although some find it hard to see this new trend, it is rapidly becoming the best thing since french toast, and is the topic of today's headline.

Reporting from someplace that few people would ever call the heartland of America,and more of you know as Southern California, we have a story of the mysterious dog face slap. Mysterious as it is the culprit is clearly, invisibly visible in the picture above. The culprit has very soft and sometimes not visible features. It is also reported that the culprit does other things, none of which worth mentioning and is still at large, somewhere in Southern California.

International Date Line disputed by the Republic of Kiribati

(Photo: Kiribati World Trade Center's liquid holdings)

Illustrious News is taking a break from the Antarctica Saga (unpopularity know as "Cool Guy Uprising") to bring you this very real story about the people of The Republic of Kiribati and an imaginary line.

Somewhere out in the southern pacific ocean is an island chain referred to by cartographers as Kiribati. This island nation is made up of about 32 countless islands, many of which are unnamed. But our story takes us to one with a very familiar name, to the locals its called Kiritimati, but to the white people its simply, Christmas Island.

Kiritimati was arbitrarily and unfortunately placed in the world's farthest forward time zone of UTC+14, a rather lonely spot for its 5,115 countless inhabitants, many of whom hail from Banana Wells.

So today, number of these 'naners got together and said "thanks but no thanks" to UTC+14, and are in the early stages, of early stages, of developing something thats is an all together more exhilarating.

Much of this article might be taken from segments, of parts, of excerpts from wikipedia:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiribati

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiritimati

Antarctia Conquered?

In our previous post we reported that, Antarctica, as a continent has been conquered. When Illustrious News reported this few to none took any notice so we decided to gauge the reaction of people from around the world.

Our first reaction was from one, Mr. Kim from South Korea. He commented that "Antarctica" was a figment of our imagination and actually didn't exist. He also provided us with the above picture of a Korea world map and challenged us to find Antarctica.

Antarctica Conquered

In its first blog post ever, Illustrious News would like to announce that Antarctica was conquered today by Zack. The attached photo documents the conquest, declared official by nobody, when Zack placed his flag in the frozen earth, in an undisclosed location. Officials are clueless.