The Last Place in The World to Wonder

Illustrious News here reporting from the aforementioned location of the last place to ponder. Given the horribly efficient state of technology, in this day, the ability to ponder has all but been eliminated. Streaming fast and piping hot information is just flowing from every electronic orifice, including your butthole. This place where we are reporting from may make you so curious that you try to look it up on google, watch a video about it on youtube, then falsify a wiki about it on wikipedia and when you do this, this place will disappear and no one at all will mourn its death but someone might ponder its being, yet not for very long.

Mother nature strikes back, this time, with clouds

Illustrious News would like to wish you a good morrow.

Now on to the news. Today's topic is weather and whether or not you know it, Mother Nature is fighting back. It's her little way of giving you the flipitty flop for picking daisies and not driving a Prius and its a big ol' cloud in your face on an otherwise beautiful sunny day. This nuisance can be bothersome. And many people have just stopped going outside all together. 

Digging a hole to East Asia

(Photo: East Asia, cells rooms available for rent)

  Illustrious News would like to bring you an article of some very suspicious and uncomfortable happenings of the completion of a tunnel hole to East Asia. This act, that many thought was too boring and pointless to complete, is done.With all the new technology bringing the world closer and closer together, this group of holey poeple say that they did not stage this as a testiment to globalization, but instead they were looking for some change that had dropped out of their pocket in the sand, and decided to keep on it.

Caption Contest! Post in comments!

International Date Line or not

(Photo: Kiritimati on a perpetual Sunday mid-afternoon)

  Illustrious News would like to update our previous post about the International Date line, but we don't want you to have to scroll all the way down there to see it. 
  When we last left Kiritimati Island the 'naners were talking slowly over cool fruity beverages about the goings on of a line that begins and ends a day on earth, but over much deliberation they decided that this line was not a line at all because a line would continue indefinitely in both directions. This was very perplexing, so they agreed to do away with the line all together, which made them even more perplexed and so they decided to take a rest.

The Found Manuscripts of George Washington Carver

In the Sunday edition of Illustrious News, we are reporting on the Found Manuscripts of George Washington Carver, thought to be lost, but actually ending up being found, these manuscripts outline many of the trials and tribulations of Carver, famous for getting everything right when it came to the peanut, not so famous for all the terrible things he attempted with the kumquat.

Carver's Manuscripts were so very interesting, detailed, thoughtful, and illustrious, that we decided not to paraphrase but to grace you with this excerpt. 

"Tuesday 8am: A haiku about peanuts: 

  My little brown bud,

  Manna from heaven or not,

  I will eat you now."

  

 

 

Mysterious Case of the Invisible Dog Face Slap

(Photo: "It sounded like a freight train going right over my head." )

First a dispute over invisible lines and now this, the invisible dog face slap, the Illustrious News is content to report that invisibility is the new visibility. Although some find it hard to see this new trend, it is rapidly becoming the best thing since french toast, and is the topic of today's headline.

Reporting from someplace that few people would ever call the heartland of America,and more of you know as Southern California, we have a story of the mysterious dog face slap. Mysterious as it is the culprit is clearly, invisibly visible in the picture above. The culprit has very soft and sometimes not visible features. It is also reported that the culprit does other things, none of which worth mentioning and is still at large, somewhere in Southern California.

International Date Line disputed by the Republic of Kiribati

(Photo: Kiribati World Trade Center's liquid holdings)

Illustrious News is taking a break from the Antarctica Saga (unpopularity know as "Cool Guy Uprising") to bring you this very real story about the people of The Republic of Kiribati and an imaginary line.

Somewhere out in the southern pacific ocean is an island chain referred to by cartographers as Kiribati. This island nation is made up of about 32 countless islands, many of which are unnamed. But our story takes us to one with a very familiar name, to the locals its called Kiritimati, but to the white people its simply, Christmas Island.

Kiritimati was arbitrarily and unfortunately placed in the world's farthest forward time zone of UTC+14, a rather lonely spot for its 5,115 countless inhabitants, many of whom hail from Banana Wells.

So today, number of these 'naners got together and said "thanks but no thanks" to UTC+14, and are in the early stages, of early stages, of developing something thats is an all together more exhilarating.

Much of this article might be taken from segments, of parts, of excerpts from wikipedia:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiribati

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiritimati